When people parody “therapy speak,” they often mock the idea that people should learn to love themselves first. Taken out of context, this can sound like a whole lot of self-absorbed, self-indulgent bullshit. But like so many tired platitudes, there’s a core of truth there.

Because we experience the world through our conscious minds, we tend to think that our conscious thoughts are the totality of who we are. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Yesterday, one of my partner’s dearest friends died suddenly, without warning. He was one of those people who had enough life force for several normal humans, and the tsunami from the tectonic shift of his death ripped through the lives of everyone he left behind.

What do you believe? Often, we think of our beliefs as fundamental parts of who we are, but not all beliefs are created equal.

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person. —Nelson Mandela

We are all imperfect messengers and imperfect listeners.

I frequently find myself in spirited disagreement with my other empirically-oriented friends. We usually agree, more or less, about what we know. Where we butt heads is when we talk about what we don’t know.

Stopping to consider that we might be wrong is really hard, because we just feel so . . . so . . . right!

Not knowing crap is the best.

One psychological term that gets thrown around a lot is “boundaries.” Everyone seems to agree that it’s good to have clear boundaries, and a problem if you don’t, but what does that even mean? 

Sometimes, you can avoid a world of trouble by just slowing down and taking a more accurate measure of things. It can be hard to do if you tend to react in the moment, but it’s a habit worth acquiring.

People talk a lot about personal growth--so much so that it’s become a cliché. But why don’t people talk about relational growth?

When something unexpected or uncomfortable disrupts our lives, there are a couple of ways we can behave: we can either react or respond.

When our wish for the certainty of a simple answer overrides our need to understand the messy truth, Occam's Razor becomes a hatchet, and the cut is neither clean nor precise.

Sometimes I lay awake at night, worrying for hours about things that might happen, or about things that already did. I try to be all Buddhist about it and stop grasping at things I can’t change, but it’s hard to be enlightened when you can’t sleep and you’re grinding your teeth and your monkey-mind is scampering around in your skull at 100 MPH.

During the glow of the holidays, they seemed like such laudable, and maybe even reachable, goals. But now, in the harsh light of our extended holiday hangovers, they don’t look so bright and shiny anymore.

thank you

As bad as people are at giving advice, we’re just as bad at asking for it and accepting it.

There was once a man who sought advice and counsel from a great teacher.

“You seem to be suffering,” said the teacher. “Come, sit, and tell me what I can do to help.”

Our emotions are triggered by our experiences, but they are also molded by our assumptions, our biases and our conclusions.