Foreboding Joy

The writer and researcher Brene Brown coined the phrase “foreboding joy.” It’s the phenomenon where we don’t allow ourselves to fully experience joy or bliss because that would make us too vulnerable to loss. Instead, we hedge our bets by reminding ourselves what could go wrong. It’s a kind of pessimistic shield.

Like so many self-protective impulses, pessimism is an indiscriminate barricade. It’s supposed to keep out the hurt, even if that means locking out some of the pleasure as well. The problem is, it’s a pretty flimsy barrier. In fact, you could argue that it just gives you a dose of anticipatory pain without really protecting you at all. The idea that you can soften the blow of loss by mentally experiencing the loss in advance is a questionable premise at best. 

Joy is rare enough in life that we can’t afford to ration or waste any of it when our cup is full. Later, when the cup is empty, will we regret that we drank deeply when we could? Somehow, I doubt it.