Getting to Know You

We’ve all seen and laughed at the satirical version. It’s the self-absorbed, navel-gazing narcissist--so obsessed with self-help, and self-actualization that they lose sight of the people and the world around them. And though it’s a parody, it’s not without an element of truth. Our essential narcissism really can get out of control, and one potential result is a brand of self-improvement that devolves into selfishness. 

I wonder, though, if our eagerness to mock self-exploration isn’t fueled by an underlying fear of what such an investigation might reveal if we tried it ourselves. It’s hard to take a deeper look into our own shadowy psyches. It’s a mess down there--full of flaws and contradictions, and maybe a few monsters. And yet, it’s our reluctance to see and engage with those shadows that gives them power, and that keeps us from being our best selves.

Self-improvement in a vacuum, as a narcissistic project of self-perfection, is the epitome of selfishness. But self-knowledge, as a means of becoming a better, kinder, less neurotic human being, is one of the best gifts we can give to the people we love.